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The best of MLS fantasy team names

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Who’s got the best MLS fantasy name around?

Fantasy MLS is a fun little diversion in either that 9-9:30am or 4-4:30pm window at work, when you either aren’t quite ready to do substantive work, or are pretty much totally cooked for the day. And the MLS format, where you can top the nation on a given week even if last week was a train wreck, or beat your friends in a private league, or be the best amongst Rapids fans, keeps me pretty well engaged throughout the season.

But the best part for me is picking a truly great name. As I can tell from my fellow MLS fans, obviously I’m not alone.

I’ve divided the best fantasy MLS names into four popular genres: player name puns and portmanteaus; soccer inside jokes; pop culture references; and names that are, shall we say, avant garde. My comments follow.

Name Puns: The Best

Guns and Shipps

I’m a sucker for a ‘Hamilton’ reference.

Tears for Mears

Good band. Better name.

DillyDing DillyDuka

A Claudio Ranieri reference AND a somewhat obscure MLS player. That’s the sweet spot of naming gags.

Kljestanable Lineup

Impressive to make use of Sacha Kljestan’s hard-to-spell name in a pun.

She don't use Jelle

Only men and women of a certain age will know that this is playing on a line from a popular ‘Flaming Lips’ song of the late 90’s, ‘Vaseline.’

Too Lletget to Quit

Hammer, don’t hurt ‘em.

Name Puns: Honorable Mention

Coming to Amarikwa

It's about da Manneh

Moor Moor Moor

Pontius Pilate

2 Nguyens in a Rowe

Zat Knight and the Pips

Soccer Inside Jokes: The Best

Inner Dempsey

I’m just going to leave this here.

...

I miss the old rules

Yeah, MLS Fantasy was so much better when six players were injured or on int’l duty, and you could only make two transfers.

Sub Optimal

Obligatory ‘Men in Blazers’ reference.

No Bruce, No Party

Enough said.

...

Soccer Inside Jokes: Honorable Mention

Wayne Shaw's Pie

Hot Boy Kevin Molino

Orange Slices FC

CalenCarrsHelmet

Pop Culture References: The Best

The Big Wondowlowski

OVER THE LINE, SMOKEY.

Wesley Crushers

Really, really nerdy. I love it.

PK-mon GOal

Is Pokemon Go! over yet? It feels over.

Draft Punk

This name? Better. Faster. Stronger.

Pop Culture References: Honorable Mention

ALTERNATIVE STATS

Game of Throw-Ins

Ice Nine

RedBullsOnParade

Avant Garde Names: The Best

Gas Station Sushi

A poor life decision. Possibly like doing MLS fantasy.

Amish Rodeo Clowns

I don’t understand, and I think that’s the point.

Dogsh*t Tomato City

Nope. No idea.

Chicken Shawarma

Big fan of the food. Not sure what makes it a good fantasy team name though. Perhaps thats the point.

Clever Team Name

It’s so meta.

Avant Garde Names: Honorable Mention

Gut The Fishy Hubris

Trout

Ham Sandwich FC

Dolph Lundgren

...

To sign up for Burgundy Wave’s TWO fantasy leagues (a ‘classic’ and a ‘head-to-head’):

1) Come up with an awesome name.

2) go to fantasy.mlssoccer.com

3) click on ‘leagues’

4) click ‘create and join new leagues’

5) enter the codes 7818-1612 (classic) and 13626-2655 (head-to-head)

6) pick a starting XI - good luck !