Fellow B-wave writer Emma ‘Storm In May' and I have had a long-running love-affair with the hirsute majesty of MLS. The flowing locks of Mix Diskerud. The bleach-blond spectaculorum of Lee Nguyen. The natty, ratty, tangled ivy of rasta fantabulousness of our arch-nemisis, Kyle Beckerman.
Or, to quote a musical that I don't actually like that much...
"Gimmee a head with hair/
Long beautiful hair/
Shining, gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen"
MLS is a legit soccer league, no matter what Eurosnob haters or pro/rel gripe-ers say. You know how I know? Because MLS teams have some players with awesome hair. Ridonkulous hair. Silky smooth Pantene Pro-V advertisement hair. First division all-star hair.
But. BUT! Who has the best mane in all the land? We ask you, dear readers, to weigh in.
Next week, in honor of March Madness, Burgundy Wave begins its tourney of the best coiffure in the domestic footie world. Below is the preliminary pool of 32. Several worthy participants have already been dropped from contention. Storm sometimes forgets this is about hair and picks the most handsome men in MLS. I, however, am more interested in what your barber does than whether teenage girls will swoon at your very sight. That means that Dom Oduro is in, but Kaka is out. Deal with it.
Additional side note- we aren't doing this according to Eastern/Western Conference, simply because the East destroys the West on awesome hair. The MLS Eastern Conference has it's hair game ‘on fleek' (23 bids) compared to the Western Conference (9 bids). And it's clear that, in the ‘overall team hair competition',
NYCFC with it's 5 competitors (Shelton, Pirlo, Villa, Lopez, and Diskerud) beats the rest of the league, hands down. New England may have the ugliest stadium in the league, but they're sitting pretty in terms of hair: four Revs players made the bracket. Montreal and Columbus also had impressive hair game, with three bids each. FC Dallas and Vancouver Whitecaps, although great at soccer, need to up their hairstyle game, as neither will have a representative in the March Hair Madness Tourney this year.
Additionally, let us not say that gingers and baldies were discriminated against. The red-headed Nat Borchers and the hairless Conor Casey are listed. But that doesn't mean they deserve a pity vote from you. Vote your conscience, people.
The tourney begins Monday, complete with descriptions and pics. Until then, here are your participants:
Turn Your Head And Coif Division
|Lee Nguyen||New England||1|
|Chance Myers||Kansas City||16|
|David Bingham||San Jose||10|
|Gershon Koffie||New England||7|
|Kyle Beckerman||Salt Lake||3|
Flock Of Seagulls Division
|Daigo Kobayashi||New England||11|
|Robbie Rogers||Los Angeles||2|
|Damien Perrinelle||New York||13|
|Diego Fagundez||New England||5|
|Gyasi Zardes||Los Angeles||12|