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Merry Humberto Suazo Conspiracy Christmas!

Ho ho ho! You want conspiracy theories? We got conspiracy theories!

If you've been good, Suazo Claus will bring you a big stocking full of GOL
If you've been good, Suazo Claus will bring you a big stocking full of GOL

Rapids fans were big on stupid conspiracy theories last season. (By 'Rapids fans', I really only mean the people who post on Facebook, of course.) There was the wonderful theory that the Rapids were secretly planning a move to Miami, the good fun of the team trying to alienate white fans by bringing in so many Latin American players, and who could forget Pablo Mastroeni secretly trying to remove himself from the team because he hated Oscar Pareja? It was a ball!

So on the 12th day of Christmas, we're bringing you the best conspiracy theory of all time, the Humberto Suazo Rapids conspiracy. See, Ben and I are pretty sure that the Rapids have been doing SOOPER SEKRET negotiations with Chilean superman Humberto Suazo all along through the off-season, dropping only subtle hints to keep other teams from knowing they're doing it.

Let's take a look at the hints that the Rapids have been subtly dropping toward us since the start of the off-season.

  • They picked Eric Humberto Avila in the Re-Entry draft.
  • They re-signed Hendry Bernardo Thomas Suazo to a long term deal.
  • Their big target forward signing was Edson Buddle, who is not only the same age as Suazo but has a birthday 10 days apart.
  • Tim Hinchey totally didn't deny they were looking at Suazo when I wrote a post probably based on a bogus source saying that FC Dallas was looking at him a while back.
  • They're reportedly looking at Chilean winger Kevin Harbottle. You know who else is Chilean? HUMBERTO SUAZO.

Are these coincidences? I THINK NOT. Am I insane and have no idea what I'm talking about? Likely, but possibly irrelevant! You'll see, you'll all see!

(Merry Christmas, everyone.)